In Love and War
by SSAEmilyHotchner
Summary: Threeshot. For nearly ten maritally strong years, everything at the Hotchner house has been perfect. It looks as if nothing can come between the love Hotch and Emily have for each other...but sometimes, looks can be deceiving. Heavy T rating for language.
1. Make Me Scream

**Author's Note: I actually wrote this in January - yes, it's been quite a while since then, but I was never quite sure that anyone would be accepting of this plot line. My original prompts were 'marital arguments' and 'mistrust'. That being said, it's super dramatic, rife with angst, **extremely emotional, and well...**at times you may feel like slapping Hotch and/or Emily. It's a rollercoaster, in other words. But many rollercoasters are quite fun, so I sincerely hope you will enjoy this one. As always, thank you so much for reading! **

****Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.****

_******Please take note of the background information below.******_

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><p><strong>Everything has been wonderful at the Hotchner household. Hotch and Emily have been married for close to ten years, and in that time, although Emily has left the BAU, her new job as a counterterrorism agent has given her plenty of time to stay at home with the kids.<br>****All in all, everything is perfect. It looks as if _nothing_ can come between their love for each other.  
><strong>**But sometimes, looks can be deceiving.**

* * *

><p>All clothes were lost as they tumbled towards the bed, Hotch falling on top of Emily and eliciting a strangled groan from the back of her throat.<p>

"Aaron, _please_…"

"What do you want? Tell me, baby."

"I…I…I want…" All train of thought was lost as he pushed into her without fanfare. _"Yes!_ Oh…"

His lips hunted across her collarbone, nibbling at the soft, creamy skin there. "I'm not going to last very long, Em," he murmured in warning. "It's been too long…"

"It has," she cried out, her once rhythmic moans growing more erratic.

They went at it for a couple more minutes before Emily felt her climax building, low in her belly, the sensation curling her toes as she frantically grasped for the bedsheets. _"Aaron!"_ she screamed in pleasure as she came, pulling him over with her.

"Nikki…" he grunted as he spilled all he had to offer deep inside her body.

Emily stiffened as he pulled out of her, her mind running circles. _Nikki? Who is Nikki?_

His strong arms wrapped around her lithe body, his lips pressing into her shoulder blade. "Goodnight, Emmy."

"Goodnight," she responded, just a beat too late.

Hotch didn't notice, however, because he was already fast asleep.

She willed herself to relax. _There is no Nikki. You just heard him wrong,_ she assured herself. _Yeah. That's it._

And at that, Emily turned off the light from the lamp on the nightstand, closed her eyes, and joined her husband in a deep sleep.

~.~.~

Slowly but surely, conversation between them dwindled and eventually died down. Things became…awkward, strained.

Distant.

Intimacy was simply not an option. They faced away from each other at night, Emily once and a while glancing back at Hotch.

She didn't know what was going on.

He had been staying at work longer and longer each day, and whenever she called his office phone at night, he never answered.

She didn't know what to think. They had been fine for nine and a half years…

…so why were things changing now? She didn't want things to change, and as far as she knew, neither did he. But she confronted him about it, nonetheless. When she asked him if he was okay, he insisted he was fine. And even though he didn't seem fine - nothing did, nowadays - she had no choice but to drop the issue.

~.~.~

Emily took Hotch's suit jacket out of the closet and began to iron it, her mind elsewhere. She ran the iron across the cloth in long downward strokes, wanting it to look perfect. The rhythm of it all was broken, however, when the iron ran over something raised in one of the jacket pockets. Reaching in, Emily's fingers faltered as she looked at the small golden object in her hand.

It was his wedding band.

A shiver ran down her spine. He never took it off. _Never_. Why should now be any different?

Her hand shook of its own volition as she finished pressing the jacket. At that exact moment, Aaron entered the room, knotting his tie in the process. "Em, have you seen my jacket?"

"I was ironing it," she said in explanation, holding it up for him to place his arms in.

He silently obliged, and was about to leave when Emily saw something standing out against the charcoal grey suit.

"Wait." She removed the two platinum blonde strands of hair, her fare an emotionless mask that rivaled his. "There." Her eyes met his. "Have a good day," she said softly.

He nodded. "You, too."

And then, he left.

~.~.~

He came home late that day. The kids were already fast asleep, but Emily…

Emily was far from it. Hearing Hotch messing around in the kitchen, she crawled out of bed and quietly came up behind him, her arms circling his waist.

Hotch took a sharp breath. "Emily. I thought you were asleep. What…what are you doing?"

"Trying to get you to come to bed," she said frankly, kissing the back of his neck languidly.

"No, honey," he murmured.

"Please? It's been at least two and a half weeks since -"

"I said no," he interrupted. "I'm too busy."

"With what?"

"Work."

"Can I help?" she suggested, her small hands making their way to his broad shoulders and kneading them skillfully.

He bit back a moan. "No."

"Well, I think you could use a break…"

He turned to face her, his features tight. "I already said no."

She pulled back slightly. "Are you sure you're okay?"

Something inside him snapped. "Damn it, Emily. How many times do I have to tell you? _I'm fine_."

All seductive banter aside, Emily said seriously, "You don't look fine."

"Well, I am." Turning on his heel, he said over his shoulder, "If you need me, I'll be in my office."

Watching him ascend the stairs, Emily ran a hand through her hair in frustration. He was lying, and she knew it. After all, he wasn't the only profiler in the house. There was definitely something wrong.

It was only a question of what.

~.~.~

Hotch couldn't keep his eyes off of Emily as he silently crawled into bed beside her. God, he could never get used to her beauty. Gazing down at her supposedly sleeping form, he couldn't suppress the sigh that escaped his lips as he saw what she was wearing.

Thin white lace adorned her body, barely covering what needed to be covered. The last - and only other time - she had worn it was on their wedding night. It took all of his willpower to prevent himself from reaching out and touching her, caressing her, holding her…

Pulling her close and giving her the world.

Oh, how he wanted to. But he just couldn't. Not while he was involved with everything that was going on lately. It was just too much for him to handle. Too much for her to understand.

He was just about to close his eyes and let sleep take him when Emily shifted slightly, her chin coming to rest on his shoulder.

He expected nothing less.

"Aaron?" she whispered, her voice hardly audible, even in the totally quiet room.

"Hmmm?"

"I…I just wanted you to now that you can talk to me about anything on your mind. You can trust me," she said tenderly.

Not saying a word of acknowledgement, he muttered, "Go to sleep, Emily."

"You'd tell me if something was bothering you, right?"

"Of course I would. But nothing is," he insisted. There was a brief pause. "Now _goodnight._"

She frowned at his rather brusque statement, but brushed it away mindlessly. "Goodnight."

As her breathing evened out, Hotch felt his heart wrench. _If only I could tell her…_

_~.~.~_

Hotch let a smile touch his lips as he watched his daughter plod into the kitchen, slowly fishing around in the refrigerator.

"Hi, Daddy," she said sweetly, pouring herself a glass of orange juice.

"Hi, sweetheart. What are you doing?" he replied from the other side of the room.

"Getting juice." Avery took a seat at the dining table, where he had previously been occupying. She was quiet for a while, before eventually asking, "Daddy?"

"Yeah, baby?"

"Why are you and mommy fighting?"

His hand trembled as he transferred steaming hot coffee from the pot to his mug. "Ave, sometimes adults have…disagreements. In the heat of the moment, while we're caught up in all the problems, sometimes we yell. It…it doesn't mean that we love each other any less."

"Oh, okay," she said with a toothy grin, satisfied with his answer. "What's that?" she asked, pointing to his mug.

He chuckled. She _never_ did stop with the questions… "Coffee."

"I don't like coffee."

"Trust me, you will when you grow up."

"Really? I don't think so." Something on the table in front of her caught her eye. "What are these pictures for?"

Hotch's eyes widened in shock as she opened a file folder of his and began rifling through it. "Sweetheart, don't look at those -"

But he was too late. Avery had flipped to a photo of a particularly gruesome crime scene, and he could hear her breath catch in her throat, could see her bottom lip tremble slightly at the image…

Sometimes he forgot just how young, how innocent she was.

"Avery, it's okay. It's not real," he attempted. But she was already running out of the room, in search of consolation from her mother.

Hotch sunk into a chair, rubbing his eyes in exhaustion and steeling himself for the verbal abuse that was sure to come. It didn't work, however, because he was already on edge from the long, brain-wracking hours at work.

Emily was not a happy woman when she strode into kitchen. How many times was he going to make this same stupid mistake? Crossing her arms in disappointment as she entered the room, she found him sitting at the dining table, his head in his hands. "I thought I told you to never leave those out!" she huffed.

_Stop it. _"Sorry," he mumbled weakly.

"You know how sensitive Avery is," she continued.

_Just stop! _"Yeah, I -"

"And now she's going to have nightmares! The poor girl's probably going to be scarred for -"

Without thinking, he stood, his chair clattering to the ground in result. "You know what, Emily? I'm sick and tired of you criticizing me every second of every day. I made a mistake. _One_ mistake. It happens, okay? Not everyone is so damn _perfect _like you," he spat in an accusatory tone.

"Excuse me?" she asked incredulously.

"You heard me right."

"Aaron Hotchner, what the hell has possessed you?" she asked in a dangerously low voice.

_"Me? _Possessed _me? _That's a real good one, Emily." He slammed his fist on the table, causing coffee to spill over his case notes. "Damn it! Now look at what you've done."

She scoffed. "Yeah, because I obviously control your hysterical actions now. _Stop blaming everything on me!"_

_This is just too much._ "Well, maybe all of this _is_ your fault! Did you ever think of that? Huh?"

Emily barked out a mirthless laugh. "I don't believe you. You better find the balls to tell me what's going on with you, or, _so help me God, _I'm leaving."

And with that, she exited the room, marched furiously up the stairs, and locked herself in her make-shift office.

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><p><strong>Author's Note: Please leave me a review, if you have the time; I'd love to hear what you think about this story so far, and I always love to answer any questions as to where I may be going with this.<strong>

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><p><em><strong>Nominations are open for the 2011 Annual Profiler's Choice Awards!<strong>_

**Go to the link below for more details (remove all spaces). You need an account on FFN to nominate, but it's really easy to set one up!**

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	2. Ultimatums

**Author's Note: Sorry for the wait, guys. I was really overwhelmed by the intense positive response towards the first chapter, and I already had the next two typed up…and they were saved on my PC's external hard drive…but said hard drive is now corrupted for whatever reason, and _all_ my data is now lost somewhere in cyberspace until GeekSquad can (hopefully!) retrieve it. So, believe me when I say that I'm really sorry you had to wait this long, and I just want you all to know that I honestly appreciate every single review I receive; they really mean the world to me, and I hope you can understand that I am the writer that I am because of you. :) So, without further ado, here's the second installment in **_**In Love and War. **_**Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer in Chapter One!**

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><p>"I can't do this anymore."<p>

A disapproving noise came from the other person in the room. "You have to."

Hotch glanced up at the chief sitting directly in front of him. "I have to at least tell my wife." _Oh, Emily…_

He drummed his fingers against the tabletop impatiently. "You know the rules, Agent Hotchner. No one can know."

Hotch's eyes flashed with anger. "Damn it, don't you see? I'm changing around my family. This…this _mission_," he spat, "is ruining my marriage. I'm yelling at my wife without meaning to. I'm beginning to act like I don't care. Like…" he took in a shaky breath, remembering Emily's shock and concern at his behavior, "like I don't love her more than _anything_ in the world. I'm being a complete _bastard._ She deserves so much better than that." He gripped the edge of the roundtable to steady himself, his knuckles a painful white. _"She deserves to know._"

"I'm sorry," the other man said in a tone that clearly said otherwise, "but that's not my problem. If you abort this mission, you will immediately lose your gun and badge."

"So, that's it?" Hotch retorted, filled with contempt. Never before had he wanted to punch someone in the face as much as he did now. "My job or my family?"

"If I'm correct, you've had this same ultimatum before."

_Son of a bitch. _"Yeah, and look at how well that went."

A shade of a mocking smile hinted at his lips. "Once again; not my problem."

Repressing the urge to inflict any harm on the man, Hotch dropped his gaze to his hands. "I can't even look at my wife," he said, shaking his head. "Not after what Nikki said to me…not after I killed her."

"You had no other choice but to shoot Nikki," the chief said simply, shrugging. "Everyone understands that. She was going to kill _you_."

"But…"

"No buts. You finish the mission, then explain everything to your wife." A dirty smirk adorned his disturbing features. "After a couple glasses of wine and a nice long fuck, everything should be fine."

Hotch grimaced at the abrasiveness and insensitivity of the statement, and immediately felt bile rise in the back of his throat. "You've obviously never been married, have you?" he asked disgustedly.

"You're correct. And I never plan on doing anything of the sort."

He shook his head. "I'm losing her trust," he said, more to himself than to anyone else.

"Well, Agent Hotchner, I don't know what to say. You're _obligated _to finish this mission. Whether you - or your wife, for that matter - like it or not."

~.~.~

They were hardly speaking now.

Tension loomed around the house at every corner, and Emily just couldn't take it anymore.

Walking up to his office, she leaned against the doorframe. "Aaron?" she asked, trying in vain to keep her voice steady.

"Emily?" he responded, his attention still set on the notes in front of him. He was thoroughly worn out and all he felt like doing was sleeping. But, of course, he couldn't.

"Can you look at me?" she whispered.

At her near-silent request, he turned in his chair, a curiously blank expression on his face. "What is it?"

"Are…are you seeing someone else?" she choked out, the notion simply too much to handle.

He blinked in shock. Not knowing how to answer her impromptu question, he settled with a, "What?"

She looked at him straight in the eye, her expression one of reluctance and heartbreak as she answered, "Are you having an affair?"

_"No!" _he immediately responded. "No, of course not."

"Then, please…_please _give me a better explanation for the blonde hairs on your jacket, the fact that you haven't been wearing your wedding ring for weeks, and…and this." She reached forward and, with a feather-light touch, ghosted a finger along a scar below his ear, obviously caused by a fierce love bite.

He closed his eyes at the gentle skin-to-skin contact. "It's not what you think it is, Emily," he murmured.

"Then what is it?" Her voice was thick with unshed tears. She tried to regain her composure, but ultimately failed. "You're not the _same_, Aaron. We haven't talked - _really, actually talked_ - in weeks, you keep coming home later and later…or sometimes not at all -"

"You wouldn't understand."

"Try me," she challenged, her gaze sharp. "What am I supposed to tell Jack and Avery when they look for you to tell you goodnight, then realize that you're not even home? What am I supposed to think when we haven't made love in over a month? When you can't even _look_ _at me_?"

Hotch ran a hand through his already messy hair, the same hand coming to pinch to bridge of his nose in frustration. He _really_ didn't want to be having this conversation, especially not when he was drained of all physical and emotional energy. "For the last time, Emily," he said carefully, "I'm not cheating on you; you know me better than that. I never would."

_"Then why did you call me Nikki the last time we had sex?"_ she yelled, her grasp on control fading away.

At once, his mouth fell open. "I…I did?"

She nodded violently. "I tried _so_ hard to ignore it, to pretend like it never happened…but it _did._ And I don't know what to think."

"Nikki is…" He shook his head, knowing how awful things probably seemed to her right now. "I don't know how to explain this. I can't tell you."

Emily bit her lip. "You can't, or you won't?" Her voice trembled slightly, the first sign of her impending weakness.

"I can't, sweetheart."

Her eyes fell shut at the endearment. "Says who?"

"I…I can't tell you that either," he sighed.

"Oh, stop it with the bullshit!" she pleaded. "Do you really think I'm that _stupid_?"

"I'm not lying!" he said desperately. "I want to tell you, _believe me_, but I can't! I'm not allowed to."

"I'm your _wife_, Aaron. Remember me?" she asked bitterly. "I'm the woman you got married to all those years ago. I'm the woman who gave birth to your daughter. No one can tell you that you're not allowed to explain this to me. _No one._"

"If I tell you, I'll lose my job!" he yelled, exasperation and anger building up and threatening to boil over. Why wouldn't she just _let it go_?

At his response, Emily immediately recoiled as if she'd been slapped in the face. "That's what this is?" she asked in disbelief. "You're choosing the job over me, over…over your own family?" He didn't answer, so she continued. "You know, I think I know why Haley left you. It wasn't because of the job. It was because of all your damn _secrets_."

_"Don't you dare bring Haley into this!"_ They were out right screaming now, Hotch's eyes wild and Emily's contempt building. "You have absolutely _no_ right to -"

But the rest of his argument was interrupted by thirteen year old Jack Hotchner barging into the room, his sister close behind. "Mom? Dad?" His eyes flitted between his two livid parents. "What's going on?"

Hotch turned to his son. "Jack, go to your room."

"No! Not until you tell me why you're screaming," the boy countered bravely.

"Jack, please," Emily said softly. "Go to your room and take Avery with you."

"Mommy?" Avery peered out from behind her brother. "Why are you crying?"

"I'm not crying, sweetie," she said, trying unsuccessfully to stop her voice from wavering.

Avery boldly walked over to her and gave her a tight hug. "I love you," she murmured into her mother's chest.

"I love you, too, sweet girl," she whispered, tears obstructing her vision. "Now go. And don't come back until your daddy and I are finished, okay?"

Wordlessly, the two children obeyed, the door shutting firmly behind them.

"Are you trying to protect my own children from me, Emily?" Hotch asked lowly. "Are you trying to turn them against me? Is that it?"

"Listen to yourself, Aaron. Listen to what you're saying. What you're _accusing_ me of."

"Oh, I hear myself loud and clear. It's _you_ I don't understand," he practically growled. "Why the _hell _do you have to make a big deal out of nothing?"

_"Nothing?_ That's a real good one, Aaron. I would say that trust issues are a very big _something_," she said, barking out a mirthless laugh.

For a split second, he faltered. "Trust issues? What -"

"You don't trust me enough," she said simply, her gaze sad. "And relationships don't work without trust. So…maybe this is it," she said, surprised at how clear her voice sounded. "Maybe this is the end of the line for us."

Finally, Hotch's hold on his temper shattered like glass. "I am under _so_ much stress right now, Emily!" he roared, his voice hoarse. _"So much stress!_ You can't even begin to _fathom_ how close to losing it I am right now, and _you…_you are _not_ helping at all! You and your endless whining, complaining, criticism -"

"Aaron Hotchner, don't you dare pin this on me!"

_"Damn it, Emily!" _His fist lashed out and struck the wall, a mere inch from the side of her face.

Her unflinching eyes slowly rose to meet his. "I don't suggest violence, Aaron. Because honestly…that's a side of me you_ really _don't want to see."

"Maybe I don't want to see _any_ side of you," he said resolutely.

A sad smile touched her lips. "Well. I'm glad you finally admitted it." With that, she turned her back on him and made her way to their bedroom, grabbing her go-bag in the process and haphazardly filling it with clothes and other necessities.

Slightly dazed as he watched Emily's actions, the gravity of what she was doing made a heavy feeling sink in the pit of his stomach. "Wh-what are you doing?" Hotch finally asked, after a _long_ bruising silence. _Oh, God. What have I done?_

"What does it look like I'm doing?" she countered, an eerie sense of calm radiating from her. He stared unabashedly as she stripped out of her teeshirt and sweats, changing into a tank top and jeans. Grabbing her cell phone and shoving it into her pocket, she turned to him and said, "When you regain your senses and decide to tell me the truth, feel free to give me a call." And then, surprising even herself, Emily approached him and kissed his cheek lightly, _so_ lightly that had his eyes been closed, Hotch would have thought he was surely just imagining it. "You need to relax," she advised, and there it was again: that infallible concern, even in times of animosity. That infallible love.

_No. No, no, no, no, no… _"Where are you going?" he whispered.

They looked at each other for a long moment. "Away from here," she answered equivocally. She slowly made her way to the front door. "Tell Avery and Jack that I love them, and that I'm just…" she searched for the right words, "taking a couple days to clear my mind."

_No. Please…please don't. _"Emily -"

"Goodbye, Aaron."

And then, with a turn of the doorknob, she was gone.

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><p><strong>Author's Note: So…what do you think? Please drop me a line if you have the time! I'd love to hear what you think so far. Chapter Three (the last chapter!) should be up no later than this weekend, so please stay tuned! And, no worries - all of these nasty conflicts will be resolved soon.<strong>


	3. Recovery

**Author's Note: Here it is: the long awaited third - and last - chapter, where all the conflicts between our two favorite agents are resolved, and everything is explained. Thank you, once again, for reading, and I sincerely hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer in Chapter One!**

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><p>"Why didn't you stop her?"<p>

Hotch turned to see Jack watching him from the top of the stairs. "She needed some space," he murmured, still reeling.

"Because of you." Jack sighed, coming down to join his father. "I don't know what's going on, but even I can tell that you're different, Dad. You need to explain everything to Mom, or…" he cleared his throat to disguise a voice crack, "or she might not come back."

_"Don't say that_," he immediately cried_. "_She'll come back." _She has to. _

"Are you so sure about that?"

Hotch's eyes flashed toward those of the teenager. "Why aren't you?"

Jack shuffled awkwardly, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. "Since our computer's not working, I borrowed her laptop to type my report. By chance, her browser history popped up. She…she was looking at divorce lawyers, Dad. _Don't_ let this happen again. I'm old enough, but Avery…" his voice trailed away.

Hotch froze. Divorce lawyers?

What the hell had he done?

His self-deprecating thoughts were interrupted as he heard quiet footsteps coming down the stairs.

It was Avery. "Daddy?" She looked around curiously, in search for something…some_one_. "Where's Mommy?"

"She's…" he coughed, "running errands, Ave."

"Oh." Avery glanced toward her brother, then to the floor. "When is she coming back?"

Hotch felt his heart wrench painfully. "I don't know, baby. I don't know."

~.~.~

Her mind running circles, Emily pulled her cell phone out of her pocket and absentmindedly dialed a familiar number.

The person on the other line picked up on the second ring. "Hello?"

"JJ?"

"Emily!" In a split second, the blonde woman sensed that something was wrong. "Are you okay?"

"I…" Emily shook her head, despite the fact that she was alone in the car. "I don't really know. Aaron and I…we…we had a fight. Yes, we've had fights before but _this _was different. I think he…" She fought for composure as she pulled up to the red light. "I think he's seeing someone."

"Oh, Emily…I'm so sorry."

At that, she let the tears fall. "I don't know what to do, Jayje. So I left. And now I feel _so_ awful about it; what are Avery and Jack going to think?" _My sweet baby girl…_ "I can't put them through something like this." A beat of silence passed. "I should go back, shouldn't I? I should go back and get them. Or…or…"

JJ winced as she heard the sound of her friend's body-wracking sobs. Tears of her own sprang to her eyes. "I don't know," she whispered. "I just don't know. Is…is there anything Will and I can do to help?"

Emily wiped her eyes. "Do you think…I could stay over at your place for the night?"

"Of course," JJ immediately said. There was a pause, and then, she added, "Will said that you're welcome to stay for as long as you want."

The green light became a blur as Emily felt more tears on the way. "Thank you _so_ much," she said breathlessly. "I'm just a couple blocks away. JJ, I don't know how I can possibly repay -"

But the rest of her grateful statement was drowned out by the prolonged sound of a car horn, a shocked scream, and a deafening crash.

~.~.~

Miles away in the safety of her home, JJ's eyes went wide. "Emily! Are you okay?" No response. "Emily?" Still nothing. "Emily! _Emily!_"

"What happened?" Will asked, visibly concerned as he rushed into the room.

"I…I…I think she was in an accident." Her shoulders began to shake uncontrollably. "Will, what if she…she…"

"Shhh," he comforted. "You call Aaron while I call an ambulance, okay?"

All JJ could do was nod.

With shaking fingers, she dialed her boss's number.

Much to her surprise, he picked up halfway through the first ring. "Hotchner residence."

"Hotch, it's JJ."

"JJ." In one brief moment, he analyzed the tone of her voice.

It was shaky.

"What's wrong?" he asked apprehensively.

"It's Emily."

His blood ran cold as he froze for the second time that day. "What…" He cleared his voice throat as his voice failed him. "What happened?"

"She…Hotch, she was in a car accident."

He felt his heart stop. "Is…is she…"

"I don't know." JJ willed herself not to cry. _This can't be happening_. "She was a few minutes away from our house and then…then I heard…" she released a trembling sigh, then started over. "Will is calling paramedics right now." JJ shocked herself by keeping her voice steady, ironically something she had learned from Aaron Hotchner, himself, all those years ago.

It wasn't working for him, however.

He took in a shuddering breath. "This is all my fault," he said, more to himself than to anyone else. "If I hadn't been such a…such a _bastard_, she wouldn't have left. None of this would have happened."

Still stunned, JJ didn't know what else to say, so she settled with, "Will said that they're taking her to Arlington Memorial Hospital."

"Did they say her condition?"

"They didn't want to discuss it over the phone."

Hotch felt himself approaching the verge of a nervous breakdown. "I…I'll see you at the hospital, then."

"Okay." She furiously swiped at the moisture trailing down one cheek. "And Hotch?"

"Yes?" he answered weakly.

"Try not to worry," she said quietly.

"That's so much easier said than done." Ending the call, he ran upstairs to Jack's room. "Jack, Avery, hurry up and get dressed."

"Where are we going?" the pair asked in unison.

"The hospital."

Jack met his father's intense gaze. "Is it…"

He gave the boy a curt nod. "Your mom was in an accident," he choked out, forcing back the tears and trying his hardest not to break as he heard a shocked whimper slip past Avery's lips. "We need to go. I…I have to see her."

~.~.~

"Mr. Hotchner?"

Hotch took his head out of his hands and ended his prayer as he observed, with red-rimmed eyes, the doctor standing beside him. "Yes?" he answered feebly. _Emily. Emily, I'm so sorry._

"Your wife is stable."

He let out a sigh of relief, more tears coming to his eyes. _"Oh, thank God." _

"She was in a very critical condition when we received her," the doctor informed. "Large shards of glass were imbedded in her left arm from the broken windshield, but we were able to remove them all and stitch her up. Hopefully, with some more out-patient attention, we'll be able to prevent major permanent scarring. Also, the impact of the crash and the force of the air bag broke two of her ribs, one of which punctured her lung and made our surgery incredibly risky. But we were able to reset them, as well as the bones in her right leg that were broken." The doctor gave him a long, contemplative look. "She's a fighter. She slipped into a brief coma while she was on the table, and…well, Mr. Hotchner…she flatlined twice." Hotch took in a sharp breath, but the doctor continued. ""However, she _is_ stable, like I said earlier. She'll be slightly concussed and bruised for a while, but right now, she's asleep and probably will be for a while, due to the amount of morphine and other medications she's on." He attempted a smile. "So, go on. She's allowed a couple of visitors. I just recommend letting her rest for a while longer before you wake her. She needs it."

Hotch stood on wobbly legs and shook the younger man's hand. "Thank you," he said sincerely, his voice raw. "Thank you for saving her."

The other man smiled again, this time more genuinely. "It's what I do," he answered softly.

And just like that, he made his departure, leaving Hotch outside of Emily's room.

~.~.~

Seated by her bed, he took her limp hand in his and brought it to his lips, feeling her faint pulse against his skin. He shut his eyes as he reflected on what he had done.

How had he been able to yell at her? He had been so irrational that it hurt him to think about it. He had raised his hand to her. He had made her _cry_. And why?

Because he was a coward. Because he was too scared to tell the truth.

But he had to now.

"Emily, sweetheart, I…I know you're asleep and can't hear me, and I _will_ say this again once you wake, but I have to get this off of my chest; I have to tell you now." He stopped, wracking his brain for a way to begin. "Nikki LeFevre was the sister of Brian and Michael Collins. The drug dealers who have been all over national news lately for their penchant of random killing sprees," he clarified. "Rumor has it that she murdered her husband for his money and then took up business with her brothers. I…I was picked by one of Strauss's higher-ups to go undercover as, well…as a man she met on an online dating service." _A love interest._ He fought the urge to gag at the thoughts.

"My job was to find the whereabouts of her brothers through her," he continued. "And everything, case-wise, was going fine. But, what I didn't know was that she would try to pull me into bed each time we crossed paths. I kept resisting, but then she began getting wary. My bosses became angry. So, one day…it…" he swallowed to get rid of the sour taste rising from the back of his throat, "…it just happened. I felt _so_ dirty, Emily. And…well, that was the first day I snapped at you. You didn't deserve to take the fall-out of my stress. And _God_, I'm so sorry, baby. I didn't mean a word I said, I swear on my life. I didn't mean to yell at you, to hurt you. I…I love you _so_ much…" He shook his head, trying in vain to steady himself. "I found their address eventually. But Nikki, she…she caught me. The next thing I knew, she was pointing a gun at me, demanding me to tell her who I really was. And I told her everything. I told her about Jack, I told her about Avery…and I told her about you. She asked me whether you knew about her. I told her no, and she…_she laughed_. She laughed at the fact that this mission was tearing up our marriage. Then she cocked her gun, and I had no choice but to shoot her. Right before she died, she beckoned me over and said, 'How do you think your wife will react when she finds out that you killed an innocent woman in cold blood? You're no better a man than those you put in jail.' And that's when it hit me. While I searched for Brian and Michael, that idea kept manifesting in my mind. No, Nikki was certainly not the innocent woman she claimed to be; she was the exact opposite. But the notion was just too much to handle. I wasn't sure if you would understand me, and…somehow, I thought you would hate me if you found out the truth."

He cleared his throat. "I arrested the Collins brothers yesterday. I thought that the stress, the idea…_everything_ would go away. But it got worse. I still wasn't allowed to talk about it; the chief and some others on his panel had previously told me I would be able to, but they conveniently changed their mind. Whether it had anything to do with the way things ended, I don't know." Hotch swallowed thickly. "And then came the ultimatum: my job or my family." He gazed longingly at the woman lying before him. "I _couldn't_ lose my job, Emily. Without that job, I have no source of income to support our family. Telling you about the entire ordeal was just…not an option. I stupidly convinced myself of that. Then, this morning, I…I…something in me broke loose. I couldn't take it anymore. After that fight, things went by so quickly. You left, and…I honestly couldn't blame you. I was such a fool to think that you wouldn't understand. And I _do_ trust you, Emily. I really do. I trust you with my life." His voice became husky with tears as he said, "And then JJ called and told me you had been in an accident…" _Rear-ended by an eighteen wheeler. Oh God. _"I just about went crazy. Emily…I…I can't possibly live without you. I want - no, I _need _- you to know that." He affectionately brushed hair out of her face. "I love you and the kids more than anything in the world."

"I love you, too." Her eyes slowly fluttered open, seeking his.

"Oh, God." Hotch couldn't stop himself from leaning forward and capturing her lips in an impassioned, desperate kiss. He never wanted to let go. "Emily…sweetheart, I'm so sorry," he sobbed. "I'm so sorry…"

She felt his warm tears fall against her cheeks and brought a hand to cup his cheek tenderly. "It's okay." Conflicted feelings ran through her at her simple response. Would things _really_ be okay between them further down the line? She hoped so...she really hoped so. "I heard everything. I…I wasn't really asleep," she admitted sheepishly. "You were right. I didn't have a clue as to what you were going through. And yes, I did make a huge deal out of nothing…" her voice trailed away. "But Aaron, you should have told me. I would have understood. I could have helped you through the entire ordeal. I know how demanding and stressful undercover operations can be; trust me, I know."

He nodded. "I know. Please..._please_ forgive me, Emily," he entreated, voice thick with unadulterated emotion. "For everything. _I beg you_."

She looked at him for a long minute. This was the man she had completely given herself to, for nearly ten years. Yes, everyone had their faults, some more than others. The only question was whether or not she could accept those faults and move on.

A quiet sigh passed her lips. "I forgive you. It's...it's going to take a long time for everything to sink in," she warned. "I'm still reeling from the accident, and...well, everything preceding it. But...I'm sorry, too," she muttered.

"For what? Emily, you did _nothing_ wrong."

"For accusing you of things I know you'd never do. I _do_ love you, you know," she said with an almost shy smile.

Ever thankful that he had such an amazing woman in his life, he laid beside her on the hospital bed and gently pulled her into his arms. "Does it hurt?" he asked quietly, carefully fingering the fresh sutures lining her arm.

She bit back a hiss as sharp pain rocketed through her arm, despite the morphine. "A…a bit," she answered with a nod.

He kissed her jaw. "Well, I have a present for you that I know will make you feel better."

"Aaron, you know how I feel about presents," she murmured.

"I know, I know, but I didn't get you _a _present…I got you two." And, as if on cue, both Jack and Avery entered the room.

Emily's face lit up as Avery ran over and wrapped her arms around her neck. "Careful, sweetheart," Hotch said cautiously. "Mommy's arm is hurting."

"It's okay," Emily responded, once again on the verge of tears.

Jack approached her and pressed a kiss to her cheek. "How are you feeling?"

"Better, now that you all are here," she said with a watery smile.

"I told you," Hotch whispered against her hair, causing her lips to lift at the corners even more.

Jack glanced over at his father. "Did you tell her?" he mouthed. The boy couldn't help but grin as Hotch nodded.

This was good. Looking around his family, he was happy to see that everything was almost back to normal. Yes, he knew it would take a while before normalcy _really_ returned...but he also knew that certain things only get better with time. And he had the feeling that this was one of those things.

_Because love has that effect on people._

**THE END.**

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><p><strong>Author's Note: I guess my idea with this chapter (and this entire story, for that matter) was to play off of the whole EmilyLauren/Doyle operation and show that she isn't the only agent who has ever had that experience; putting Hotch in a similar situation was both interesting and enlightening to write. And hopefully, you felt the same way while reading! But that being said, if you loved it, or even if you hated it, please leave me some feedback; I always want to improve, and your reviews make me do just that! Thank you. :)**

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><p><em><strong>Nominations are open for the 2011 Annual Profiler's Choice Awards!<strong>_

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